Sad Aging Lady In My House

Sad Aging Lady In My House

Sad Aging Lady In My House

Some people think Facebook is a stage, and we are merely players. Many people on Facebook seem to have exciting, happy lives with little or no troubles. They are accomplishing their goals and achieving their dreams. There’s nothing wrong with being grateful for these things and wanting to share them with others, but it’s only half the story.

A few weeks ago, I was busy cleaning my house and thinking deeply about some pretty major drama in my life. I was crying and dusting, wiping tears and snot with the back of my hand as I worked. I felt the dust smearing on my face. I saw the streaks of black mascara on my hand. It didn’t matter. I would be showering when I was done. I did dishes and swept the balcony. I forgot all about my messed up face.

There was a new full length mirror in my bedroom, purchased and placed just the day before, so I wasn’t used to it being there. When I walked into the bedroom, I startled myself. Who was this aging lady in my house with smeared makeup and dust settled into every groove and wrinkle? Why did she look so sad? I was so struck by her… by my appearance, I took a selfie.

Then I had to chuckle at the idea of posting this selfie on Facebook. What would people say? Would they think I lost my mind? Would they look down on me as someone desperate for attention and pity? I put some music on to cheer myself up, and danced around a little while I worked. Before long, the dark clouds dissipated, and the sun shone in my heart once again.

Later, I was scrolling through images on my phone, and once again, that sad aging lady took me by surprise. I decided to paint her, as a way of accepting the fact that no one, including me, is as happy as they appear to be on Facebook. I painted to embrace what’s left of my femininity and vulnerability, my forty-six years and the drama in this season of my life. I painted to accept the sorrow of life along with the joy, creating a more complete and accurate picture of who I am — not just a blessed and happy daughter, mother, Nana, sister, friend, writer, video editor, and Rodan and Fields consultant who goes to reggae festivals and theme parks, who hikes through majestic mountains with her well-behaved, sweet dog, and enjoys good food and good company — but someone real who has seen better days, who could be a better friend, who doesn’t know how to mind her own business, says things that are better left unsaid, makes mistakes, fails, and loses her $#*& sometimes.

I thank God every day that there will come a day when He will wipe away all tears and make all things new. As (or if) you celebrate Easter today, give thanks to Jesus Christ for giving every single soul on earth a hope that can’t and won’t be disappointed.

  • Mary Vanderplas April 1, 2018 at 3:57 pm

    It takes courage and maturity to admit one’s brokenness and need for healing – even to oneself sometimes, much less to others. But of course, it’s part of being human in a sin-stained and broken world, our best efforts to deny the truth of it notwithstanding. The sad, aging lady you encountered, with a jolt, is a powerful picture of coming to terms with oneself in all of one’s humanness. The poignancy of your depiction of her is moving beyond description.

    Thank you for sharing yourself in your weakness and need. Your doing so is an invitation to others of us to embrace ourselves fully. And thank you for pointing to the One whose rejection of us we need never fear, the One whose arms outstretched on the cross embrace us each and every one in all of our brokenness and guarantees our healing. Yes, he is making all things – all things! – new. Amen and Amen!

    • Alice Spicer April 1, 2018 at 8:32 pm

      “the One whose rejection of us we need never fear, the One whose arms outstretched on the cross embrace us each and every one in all of our brokenness and guarantees our healing.” <-- I love this, and all your comments. Thanks for reading and always adding something valuable to every post.

  • Connie DeWitt April 1, 2018 at 6:46 pm

    You are an amazing person inside and out. This is but a season in your life and I know the other side will be incredible, whatever it is. I love you. I am as amazed in your artistic rendering of youself as I am in who u r as a person! I am lucky to call u my friend!

    • Alice Spicer April 1, 2018 at 8:33 pm

      Yes, so many people go through hard times and think that’s what the rest of their life will be like. I feel really bad for them. Hope carries one through so much. I’m glad you’re my friend, too. Thanks for your comments.

  • Rachel Munns April 1, 2018 at 9:06 pm

    You. You never cease to impress and inspire me. Thank you for sharing your love and light with us. My warrior. Xoxoxo

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